"I pound on the wall wanting out. The air is fresh, but I cannot breathe. I'm in the wrong bubble it seems." Discussing dealing with the pressures of living in the beautiful OC bubble.
Spinning round and round, sitting, standing, falling down. Laughing, splashing, having fun. Time is up, and the ball slows to a stop. The ride is over and my boys climb out and immediately get back in line to re enter the Hamster Ball. The blown up ball is filled partially with water and the ride spins as the boys enjoy their turn. The Balboa Fun Zone ride is a thrill, and they go in over and over all afternoon. They cannot get enough of this bubble. What is your bubble? What is life like in your bubble? I live in the OC Bubble.
The OC bubble is a beautiful bubble. Orange County has perfect weather, perfect beaches, beautiful houses and beautiful people. OC has treasures such as the Crystal Cove State Park, which is 3.2 miles of beach, 2,400 acres of backcountry wilderness, rolling surf, tide pools, and is enjoyed by hikers, mountain bikers, and equestrians.
I live in Newport Beach which has so much natural beauty. One of my personal favorites is the Upper Newport Bay with its 10.5 mile Back Bay Loop Trail which I love to walk or jog around. I love to see how the landscape changes with the seasons; dry, brown and bare in winter then bursting into full wildflower bloom in spring when the brush turns green then becomes a wash of yellow flowers. I love seeing how the tide changes, sometime very very low and other times water up to the edges. I love watching the various wildlife from the shore birds, ducks, seagulls, and hawks to squirrels, rabbits, horses, coyotes, and lots of dogs being walked. It is a place of solitude and quiet, yet brimming with life. I view it as my physical training ground and my mental reset place. The Back Bay has multiple entry points and opportunities to visit many local nature and educational facilities like Upper Castaways Park, the Peter and Mary Muth Interpretative Center, and the Newport Aquatic Center.
I am also fond of the Environmental Nature Center, "ENC," which is a little gem of 3.5 acres home to 15 California native plant communities and educating over 18,000 students annually about the natural world. The ENC holds a special place in my heart as my son Max did his Eagle Scout project to benefit the ENC. Besides the Back Bay, and the ENC, Newport Beach is known for its upscale shopping, fancy restaurants, huge boat filled harbor, 2 piers, oceanfront walk, Balboa Island, great surfing, huge waves at the Wedge, its sandy beaches, and many other things. We also have an amazing supportive community which has rallied time and time again to come together to support each other in times of great tragedy.
I love living in Newport Beach, and I am very grateful to be able to enjoy this beautiful city on a daily basis. However, I do think that it is possible to be grateful for where I live and also acknowledge that there are very real pressures associated with living here. Everyday, multiple people are posting pictures on social media of the beautiful sunrises, sunsets and gorgeous views on the beach or from the water. Usually these are accompanied with the hashtag love whereyoulive, begrateful... or the sort. Truly I feel blessed to live here. Yet, there still is a little voice inside of me which whispers of the pressures associated with living in this environment. Some people may be immune to these pressures. However, I want to discuss some of the pressures I feel, and how I attempt to deal with them. I think it is the struggle of finding one's identity in a city that seems to prize incredible job/career success, wealth, materialism, and beauty (aging gracefully).
Imagine this OC bubble, and specifically Newport Beach, condensed into the size of a snow globe. Just as every rose has its thorn, there are some costs associated with living in Newport Beach. First there are the literal costs.
This snow globe would be very expensive for the cost of living in OC is astronomical. According to the Business Insider, Newport Beach is one of the most expensive housing markets in the country. The average home in Newport Beach costs 59% more than any other city in America. The average selling price for a home in Newport Beach was $2 million dollars. It is not at all uncommon to see Ferraris, Porsches, Lamborghinis, Range Rovers, Escalades, Teslas up and down every street. From the soccer moms, to CEO’s, to your average Joe, luxury cars and boats are the norm. Also are tutors, private lessons, private schools, and endless camps for your kids. Parents here want their kids scheduled in activities all the time, especially in the summer. Gone are the long summer days soaking up the sun, where boredom breeds creativity. Furthermore, at every break from school, families are taking expensive vacations, whether it be to ski resorts in and out of state, Hawaii, Europe, Mexico, Costa Rica, East Coast, or to more exotic destinations like India, Africa, or Asia.
In addition to the actual living cost, there is the psychological cost of living in Newport Beach. The mental cost of achieving perfection. Pressure to work to afford it, and also the pressure to maintain the look.
In Newport Beach, woman are determined to age "gracefully" by having regular facials, fillers and botox treatments. Hair color and polished nails require regular maintenance. Flawless skin, straight white teeth, and long and lush eyelashes are much desired, and much time and money is spent achieving these qualities.
When I was growing up in the 70's, girls looked like girls, and not young women. In 7th grade, I clearly looked like a 12 year old girl. I distinctly remember the outfit I wore for my 7th grade school picture. It was a royal purple corduroy jumper, with a long sleeve plaid blouse underneath with a light lavender ribbon tie at the neck. My hair was parted in the middle and tied back with two barrettes on either side. I wore knee socks and clip on earrings. The knee socks were partially to hide my hairy legs as I hadn’t started shaving yet. Now, I may not have been the most stylish girl in the school. But, this was my reality. Going forth through high school, I did mature somewhat. However, the fashion of the 80’s, did not help out the girls much. We wore acid wash jeans, neon sweatshirts with shoulder pads, dolphin shorts, and crimped our hair with bangs hair sprayed stiff 3 inches high. We thought we were cool! But to be honest, the 80's were a great time to grow up with no cell phones or social media to take us away from real life. We truly did play outdoors and used our imaginations. We passed notes in class, and piled 8 kids in cars without using seatbelts.
I’m not immune to the pressure of our society to age gracefully. I like to have nice skin, hair and nails. I love to stay healthy and fit, and some people may consider me a fitness nut. In the past 7 months alone, I competed in 5 athletic events: an Olympic distance triathlon, a sprint triathlon, a marathon, a 1/2 marathon and a half ironman race. I work out not only to stay fit, but also to be able to handle the pressures I feel living in the perfect OC snow globe. Sometimes when the materialism and pressures are too great, I feel suffocated. Metaphorically, I pound on the wall wanting out. The air is fresh, but I cannot breathe. I’m in the wrong bubble it seems.
Not only do moms feel the pressure to keep themselves at their best, but the kids also feel the pressure. Girls in their early teens are getting regular pedis/mani, eye brows done and their hair professionally cut, styled and blown out. With social media so prevalent, kids feel the need to document their every action and make it seem like it is more exciting and more desirable than others.
They also feel the pressure of school. To perform and succeed. While kids always were driven to succeed, it seems that the pressure on them now is greater than ever. There is a documented rise is anxiety and depression among teens. Mental health issues are very real and prevalent. This is in part driven by the extreme pressure they feel in getting into college.
Our California college system is broken. No longer is being perfect good enough. Let that sink in. When perfection is no longer good enough, what do you do? Graduating seniors with straight A’s and numerous AP classes, 90% or higher standardized test scores, sports, cheer, other extra circular activities and hours upon hours of community service are being denied admission to our top UC schools. The perceived difficulty to get admitted to a UC school is statistically validated. A LA Times article dated January 22, 2020 stated that freshman admission rates for California residents fell from 85% in 2009 to 59% in 2018. That is a drop of over 25% of California residents being admitted to a UC school. Why? Primarily financial reasons, as the UC's charge an additional $30,000 in additional to the base amount for all nonresident students. After the 2008 recession, the UC's were desperately short of money and desired this extra tuition. Under much pressure to increase enrollment of California residents, the UC's are proud to announce that for this current school year of 2019-2020, that the enrollment of California residents has increased by 10%. However, this isn't all good news as the increased enrollment has ignited calls for more funding to ease crowded classrooms and dorms, hire more faculty and expand and repair aging facilities. Students housing has also become a huge problem with not enough housing and increased costs. The state schools are also broken. For example, last year some 93,000 students applied for about 7,000 spots in the 2018 incoming class at San Diego State University.
Our California kids are often choosing to go out of state for college or go private, which often times carries a hefty price tag of $40,000 - $70,000 a year. Multiple that by 4 years, and we are talking $160,000 - $280,000 for a 4 year degree. Multiple that by 2, 3, 4 or however many kids you have, and the numbers are staggering. There is WUE and other merit scholarships available, but those that don't qualify for these scholarships are burdened with enormous costs or tremendous student loans. Some out of state colleges are recognizing the overcrowding in our UC and state schools and are making a bigger attempt to entice Californians to go out of state for college. Some are lowering their tuition even more than the WUE, and are offering California residents a college education less than what they would pay for at a UC. This is great news for our future high school graduates, but I am addressing the current situation. While, our community colleges are growing in popularity and are a fantastic choice for many students for many different reasons, in general, our 4 year California colleges are very difficult to get admitted to.
The pressure and stress that students and parents are feeling regarding admittance to college was highlighted by the college admission scandal that was made public on March 12, 2019. In this scandal, at least 53 people, of whom 33 were parents of college applicants, were charged with a criminal conspiracy to influence undergraduate admission decisions at several top American universities. The 33 parents are accused of paying more than $25 million between 2011 and 2018 to William Rick Singer, the organizer of the scheme, who then used some of the money to fraudulently inflate, or change, standardized test scores on the ACT and SAT, and bribe college officials. Many of the accused parents were prominent business-people and well-known actors. The conspiracy was nicknamed Operation Varsity Blues and part of the scandal was to misrepresent students as recruited athletes. In one case, a billionaire family paid Singer $6.5 million for their daughter's admission to Stanford. The bribes are absurd on all accounts, not to mention totally illegal. But worse, for every student that benefitted from Singer's crimes, there was a worthy student who aspired to attend a premier school and sports program who was rejected.
While Rick Singer happened to reside in my hometown of Newport Beach, the parents involved in the conspiracy were nationwide and it involved 11 Universities, nationwide. So while OC may have its unique pressures, there are universal pressures that teens and parents feel. So maybe my bubble isn’t so different than others after all. Maybe even outside the OC, perfection isn't good enough! Maybe there are the same pressures everywhere? Maybe escaping the bubble isn't the answer.
Maybe the answer lies in filling your bubble with what you need to breathe. Fill your life with friends and family who know you and understand you. People who know and encourage your talents and passions. People who will lift you up and let you fly. People who pick you up when you fall, and carry you till you can get back on your feet. People who inspire you, let you dream and make even the most simple of moments great. While we work hard for the big things, life is made up of all the little moments along the way. The little things in life are really the things that matter. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your bubble was as thrilling as the Hamster Ball Ride? A life filled of moments of pure joy, laughter and thrill that you don’t ever want to end. What can you do to make your bubble the ride of your life?
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