I have a goal/ dream of someday writing and publishing a novel. Years ago, when asked what kind of novel it would be, I replied “a best seller,” “a classic.” Everyone laughed.
In all honesty, I hope to write a novel that speaks to someone, hopefully more than one. The novel will be a coming of age story of a young girl who is seeking purpose in her life. The story will be told by three generations of woman through diary entries, poems, memories and narrative. The protagonist will seek insight from the generations before her, namely her mother and her grandmother. Both these ladies influence her life greatly and she is seeking to learn from the lesson in their lives.
I would like to share a piece of my novel, The Blue Daisy...
I sat with my legs dangling over the edge of the largest sheer rock I'd ever seen! I had climbed for hours to reach the summit, and now I sat and took in the view. The ground was several thousand feet below. A strong rush of wind or a startling move on my part would send me over the edge, and I would smash into the rocks below like a pumpkin smashed on Halloween. But looking down at the almost frozen lake and the pine trees surrounding the lake, I felt completely at peace! The sky was a brilliant blue and not a cloud was in sight. There was no start or stop to the sky. It was just a massive expanse of atmosphere, and the air was so cold and sharp that it hurt my lungs to breathe in deep! I sat there on the edge and I became part of the incredible landscape. The sheer granite rock with snow still on the very top, the icy lake, the tall pines, the endless blue and me! I am just a minuscule part of this massive beautiful earth, yet I was part of this picture and I had the distinct feeling that I belonged here. Sitting at the top of the world now, I was filled with unmeasurable awe and fear at the same time. Looking at the breathtaking view at this moment, it was hard to distinguish heaven from earth! Now I was perched in the middle of space! With clouds in the sky, you have depth and somewhat of a starting and an ending point. Not so with a blue sky without even a trace of a cloud.
I looked down at the rock by my side and saw a tiny yellow daisy growing between a crack in the granite! I picked this tiny little flower and held it in the palm of my hand! Suddenly a rush of wind blew it out of my hand and it caught the air and floated down! As I watched the daisy fall, I could see the wind was starting to blow some clouds that suddenly appeared out of nowhere into my direction! As the sky quickly became filled with low sweeping clouds, the realization of polar opposite feelings overcame me as I realized that this was the metaphor for my life! I was always fighting opposing views and in the search for balance! However, now all of the minute differences which daily I seek to distinguish between, seemed to suddenly merge into one and become a single entity, the most breathtaking view imaginable!! At this moment I was one with the universe and all was at peace!
This feeling of peace did not just happen, but was the result of many years of searching. This was my second time on this mountain top. When I first climbed this mountain many years before, I was in quite a different state of mind! Then I had become so overcome with emotion that I had started subconsciously reciting the Lord's Prayer-- My father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven... As these words filled my head, I had the vision of the chapel of the church I grew up in! The beautiful stained glass windows, the alter, the wooden pews and the little baptismal fountain that sat in front of the alter! That sanctuary was my safe place! A place where I could leave all my worries, and every week get a fresh start! Heading into church, I never realized the stresses and anxieties I carried! But as I sat in the pew and listened to the beautiful music, it was clear that I was caught up in the material cares of the world and these I needed to let go of! Every week offered a chance to start again! It's funny how as I sat in the open, on top of this sheer cliff, I felt the same need for peace and renewal that I felt in the small chapel years ago as a child.
Flashing back to that first time on the mountain top, I remember also watching the clouds filling in the sky. They were being blown in quickly from a breeze that was picking up from the east. So as the sun was dropping in the west, the clouds settled in front of the sun in amazing patterns. Long low clouds closest to the ground became bigger, puffier and darker with big stretches of gray blue sky as they rose up past the highest peaks of the surrounding cliffs. The sun was going to set very soon, and the temperature would fall fast once it did. It would drop 20 degrees in half an hour up in this high altitude, and continue getting colder till the temperature reached the low 30's. Perhaps it could even snow tonight if a storm arrived. I moved away from the edge to a flat clearing a safe distance from the drop off. I quickly set up camp. The small one person tent was easy to put together, and I managed to set it up in just a few minutes. I rolled out my sleeping pad, sleeping bag and lay my pack to the side of the tent. I heated some water in my jet boil, and satisfied my hunger with a dehydrated dinner of noodles and vegetables. I boiled a second cup of water to make some decaf coffee for warmth and comfort. After filling my thermos with the hot liquid, I lay down for the first time since the sun woke me up at 5am.
I quickly drifted off to sleep. I dream that I am back on the edge of the cliff. A hand is reaching up through the clouds beckoning me to come stand on one of the flat clouds just a few feet below me. I see people on the cloud talking and laughing, and in fact it appears that a lovely party is going on. Music is playing, there are tables filled with beautiful flowers and food, and I start recognizing my friends and family. I hear someone call my name. I can't figure out what the party is for, but it appears to be a reception of some sort. What a magical place to be, full of life and joy. I step off the edge of the cliff to join the party and instantly jerk awake! My body twitched as I caught myself from falling! Reality blurred with imagination, and while this was a dream, my subconscious was not going to let me fall to my death! Or was it my conscience that would not let me escape the reality I was in? As I lay there shivering in the cold in my sleeping bag, I was trying to figure out if truly I could have landed on that cloud. In my dream, it looked so real. Would the cloud catch me? Would it hold me up? Could it sustain my weight? In my half awake state, I wasn't too sure what was real and what was not.
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